Gossip Girl Traumatized By Crazy Bobby

Note:  The man pictured above is not the same person mentioned below.  

They say New York never has a dull moment.  I concur.  

I went home for lunch because 1) its cheaper than buying the greased up baked bread they call pizza across the street and 2) it lets me hang out with my wife between my eight hour shift at the office to keep me sane.   

I always love seeing the different things going on in the streets while I walk to and from home.  Men in suits on their blackberries, women shopping with Lord and Taylor bags in both arms, tourists thinking they are getting a deal on a "REAL" Louis Vuitton bag from the Jamaican guy selling the knock offs out of a Sponge Bob towel on the corner of 37th and 7th.  I swear I once saw what was obviously a tourist pick a knock off bag up and ask the guy "Are these real?"  The large smile that followed on the mans face could only lead me to believe that the words about to come out of his mouth were "Ofcourse madam.  And do I have a deal for you today!..."

Poor tourists.

So on my lunch trip I came across three different scenes today.  Two were reminiscent of my days in Los Angeles.  The first was on the way home as I passed Bryant Park.  I saw the movie trailers lined up along side the park along with multiple crew people running around with their schedule sheet on their headsets.  I spoke briefly to one of the teamsters who was smoking on the back of a truck and he told me that they were shooting a new Julia Roberts movie.   Julia was not on set today.  Atleast not here.  I continued home.

After two quesadillas, some coffee and a brief phone call with my brother about his dog who he chose to name Ninja, I was back out the door on my way to the office.  On the way back, literally 1/2 a  block from our apartment, more movie trailers.  They have been parked outside of our corner for a couple of days but nobody has been in or out.  Today, I got the answer as to what the heck are they shooting here.  Right outside the "Hair and Make Up" trailer, sat Connor Paolo.  Also known as the little brother of Serena on Gossip Girl (I know, the fact that I have this knowledge without having to research it is a disgrace).

I had to call the wife because she watches this show obsessively.  I watch it with her because she forces me.   Plus, for every 3 episodes of things like Gossip Girl, Oprah or America's Next Top Model, I get to watch a blood bath movie and make her sit there with me to watch it.  

The third thing I saw on the way back to the office should be in a movie.  Probably something like Jackass IV.  I walk up 40th and just passing Madison when a tall, skinny, african american man passes me.  I first noticed the Rambo like florescent headband he had around his head and that he was very dirty.  As he dashes past me and weaves in front of me as I walk, I notice his old ripped up shirt.  A near confirmation that he is homeless.  Then, I noticed both of his hands were holding a brown, letter size envelope where his butt is....and took notice that he was not wearing any pants...nor underwear for that matter.  The man was wearing a headband, a t-shirt and an envelope.  I was not in front of him, but I was curious that he is using the one envelope he has, to cover up the back part of his naked lower body.  I immediately started to take notice of the people walking in the opposite direction.  Working people, women shopping, Fed Ex delivery guys, all  making that face like they just saw an anaconda snake free in Manhattan.  Thankfully, I was getting the covered, raterd PG-13 side of this crazy man.  

I got nervous and chose to not pass him.  I stalled and let him gain some distance.  Every once in a while his dirty butt cheeks would peak from behind the envelope.  It was horrifying. 

Then out of nowhere, just before the intersection of Bryant Park, the man stops and walks up to a glass window to a store and starts licking the window.  He licks and then used his fingers to write something with the spit left behind.  I kept walking and not look back.  

So there.  Not a single dull moment while traveling a few blocks in Mid-Town Manhattan.

This place can be a place where Oscar winning actresses can shoot a movie, and a popular TV show can set up shop right in front of your apartment and you can always count on crazy, naked, homeless dudes to know which body part is more embarrassing when exposed to the general public.

Happy licking!