PART 1: SWEDEN
I landed in Sweden after a long flight ready to enjoy my vacation. I arrived at the In-Laws for coffee and bread. It is amazing how much coffee and bread this country has. It's like every 15 minutes "You want some coffee? Some Bread & Cheese?".....after lunch: "Bread & Ham with some coffee?"....before dinner: "Coffee on your bread?"
Just coffee EVERYWHERE all the time. You look at cows in Sweden and they all look like runway models. Just empty of milk. Damn Cheese and Coffee.
So after some coffee and cheese (ofcourse) Sexy Swedish Wife and I left for the Summer House. I love the summer house. First, just the name itself "Summer House" just makes it sound relaxing.
"What should we do after a crappy week at the office? Oh yes, lets go to the Summer House. "
"I have a long holiday weekend, lets go have some coffee and cheese at the Summer House."
"Norway is attacking! Lets go hide in the Summer House!"
It just sounds so splendid. So relaxing. And they call it Summer House year round. Especially in Sweden, where Summer lasts for like four lousy days. How can you name it after something that only exists over the course of a long weekend?
But I love the fact that if its Christmas they just go "hey, we got some days off, lets go to the summer house." Its fantastic. It is known as the Summer House in the cold ass winter too. Which really makes you think that the temperature will be warmer there.
"It's minus zero here in Stockholm, lets all go to the Summer House. I hear its fantastic there this time of year. Sven, grab the mohitio mix and lounge chairs."
I love it.
So we go to the summer house and enjoyed some great few days there. Went to the lake down the street which was full of German tourists. Germans love 2 things: Lake getaways and moose. Every lake you drive by you see cars with German license plates or german bumper stickers. Which all are subtly next to a giant moose sticker. Moose stickers on the car, on the backpacks, or the children while they swim in the lake. Moose! Moose! Moose! For a country that ruled an empire and led a World War, they all seem to be kinda of nerdy now a days.
The lake was nice and warm and the walks through the forest was calming. Lots of trees in Sweden. No wonder IKEA's are spreading like herpes at a porno convention.
After the summer house, the weather got a bit crappy (in Sweden? Shocker!). Fine Ass Swedish Wife and I went to check out the church in which we will get married in. I know what you must be thinking: "Why did it take so long to invent Taco shells with flat bottoms?". Which is a weird thing to ask yourself while reading this. But! You may also be asking "Are you not already married? Why else would you refer to your wife as WIFE?"
Short version (because I still have to finish this blog plus 2 more about Denmark and Paris):
We got married in Vegas with a Hawaiian priest and a couple of close friends. We still want the big wedding with flowers, and the dress (for her, not me) and the family. Her family in Sweden is way too big to bring to Vegas and plus, alcohol is cheaper there, so I will save a ton on doing a big wedding there. We are looking into doing the big wedding after she finishes school or close to finishing around 2010. Gives me time to save up, and gives time for the value of the dress she wants to go down. :) win win.
Anyway, we went to look at the church we want to wed at. It is in a castle of the old King Vasa.
Very f'd up family. Two sons. One locked the other away in a dungen, then when he got out, he locked the other brother in his room for 8 years and then became king when his brother died. Totally twisted drama. The church was beautiful and hey, it's in a castle. Sure, the tour said the castle was used as a prison once and many deaths happened there, but hey, when has the church NOT been a weird place to be (for a Jew) anyway? The Jew in me wanted to negotiate pricing "since people died here. Can we get the church at a discount?....oh the church is free? ok, well, can we get some gingerbread cookies thrown in for the guests for free then?"
Finally, on August 8th, the reason we came to Sweden this year has arrived. The Wedding. Not ours, if you were paying attention, ours is down the line. It was her sisters wedding. They wed at an old church as well (from the 1700s). Creepy side note: The church had a grave yard and while I was outside chatting with some people about wether or not Swedish Chef from the Muppets was actually speaking swedish or not, I noticed a grave stone with the exact first and lastname of my wife. It was creepy. She assured me that their lastname is very common in Sweden. Like "Smith" in the U.S. or "Rchahychaydh" in Siberia. So I guess its not THAT creepy.
The wedding was beautiful. I was asked to film the whole thing and then walk around and film people and take photos. Problem is, I speak as much swedish as a monkey. Asking people "is it ok to take a photo?" or "Can you say a few words to the bride in groom to the camera?" is really weird when everyone around you speaks another language. After a while, I started getting the vibe that some of the guests were like "Why is the creepy American taking photos of my girlfriend?" I just felt like someone was going to come and punch me. I had to have the toast master announce that "this guy will be taking photos for the bride and groom". Although when he said it in Swedish, everyone laughed. I assume he said something like "The guy with the camera is an American who is a bit slow. So let him snap a few photos, otherwise he goes crazy and cries." I have no idea if he said anything to what I asked him to mention.
Swedish wedding was interesting. The speeches (which I did not understand) and the games (which I did not understand) and the conversations with the drunk guest at the restroom (which I kind of understood, because he somehow suddenly spoke english when he was drunk).
Everything was perfect.
After the wedding, the next few days were very relaxing. Lots of thunderstorms and rain. Mostly, wife and I hung out with her parents. Drinking coffee and eating bread.
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