(Part II: Continued from Tenant Vs. Remy)
Operation "Mouse Trap" turned into "Operation Jackmove" overnight.
The mouse STOLE my mouse trap!
No this is not a joke. After coming home lastnight from work to see the glob of peanut butter still sitting on an empty mouse trap like a call-girl sitting on a New York governor, I realized it will take a little "waiting game" time to get this guy. Apparently he is a New York mouse and he just doesn't fall for things like PB on a mouse trap. I go to bed around midnight. Around 12:20 I start hearing the bastard walking behind the oven again (I can hear his little feet touching the metal). I sit there quietly to hopefully hear that beautiful sound of "SNAP" from a mouse trap doing its job. After 30 minutes of laying completely motionless in bed (last time I did that, I lost my virginity), I eventually fell asleep (also did that when I lost my virginity).
NOTE: The next section of this is not for the light of heart
I wake up at 5:30 am to the sound of a rattle in the kitchen. In my head, it sounded like as if the mouse trap was thrown around. I know it is dark in the kitchen, and frankly, I am so tired I can barely move. I try going back to sleep but woken up again to the sound of a screaming mouse. I kid you not when I say this sounded like a full minute scream. Followed by some more rattle sounds. Eventually, this stopped and I fell asleep. I am thinking as I fall asleep that I heard the snap and then followed by a scream, which only means the bastard didn't die in the trap, but rather, got his leg, or arm, or tail snapped and is trying to get out.
I wake up at 8:00 am. I brush the teeth. Wash the face. Make those Sean Connary accents in front of the mirror for a few minutes and then walk out to the kitchen. I take a glance into the little slit where the trap was to see if the bastard finally died.....THE TRAP IS GONE!
I had to wipe my eyes and shake my head. I looked again. The trap is not there. It's gone. I grab a chair and stand on it and then take a glance behind the oven and it is not there either.
The mother ucker stole my $1.50 trap. Did I try to capture Mighty Mouse? Is my mouse the Mike Tyson, or better yet, the Incredible Hulk of all mice? Perhaps this is the Sparta of mice, and 299 of his buddies came and lifted him up with the trap still on his leg and taken him to safety.
I had a WTF? face for a good 5 minutes in the kitchen. The trap has vanished. With all the screaming and moving, I assumed the guy was slowly dieing. Worst case, snapped out of the trap and left a few fingers behind, but no. Nothing was there.
I am not sure what to do now. I have to be honest, I am a bit scared to go to sleep now. I am afraid this guy is showing up at his colony as we speak with his back leg still in a trap. And moments after being released from the trap, he will gather the colony and start a revolution against humanity with me being the very first victim. I am afraid I am going to wake up tomorrow tied up and with three mice holding the mouse trap to the part of my body that was last tortured during a bris when I was only 3 weeks old. Not to mention, they will probably cover it in peanut butter just for laughs. I can see myself getting home tonight to no dogs or a wife with only a tiny note by the oven that says "We will exchange your family for you. If you ever want to see them a live, follow our instructions. Do not call the exterminator. We will call you soon with further instructions".
I have tried to kill a cute, little, helpless Ratatouille. Instead, my apartment had the "Thing". Now all I can think of is him crawling last night screaming, and then pushing himself toward his whole in the wall with the trap attached to his lower half. Screaming and pushing. I feel guit. I feel bad. I feel like I am going to need to buy a lot more traps. This is far from over.
He may have won the battle, but the war is far from over.
If I learned anything from mobster movies, is that you need to whack them before they get a chance to whack you.
That rat better lick all the left over peanut butter off of his healing foot because tonight...he will dine in hell!
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