I thought about that for a moment. Usually, that would be something I would think someone would say in Tel Aviv. Or Syria. Or Lebanon. But Manhattan? Has Manhattan really become one of those cities that the thought of a bombing makes you tilt your neck with a smerk and go "Eh" as if it doesn't bother you?
Incase you have been locked in your closet or have not paid your cable bill in the past week, then you know I am referring to the small bomb that went off in Times Square on Thursday. The newspaper referred to it on the front page as "Times Scare!". Really? What editor came to the table of the creative director and said "Times Scare! it fits. it has fear and captures the essence of what happened". I would have thrown that guy into the elevator shaft. And if it was a walk up, then he would have been thrown down the stairs (followed by furniture). Really? Was that title the best they can do? I mean, if a guy gets a flat tire at Times Square, and then gets shot by someone while changing the tire, is the newspaper going to read "Times Spare" or how about "Times Chair" if in the event that a truck full of IKEA chairs rolls over at the intersection of 42nd and 7th. "Times Hair" (new hair salon opens) "Times Bear" (bear escapes from central park zoo and eats a little Albanian boy) "Times Fare" (raising the prices on subway fairs)...seriously, a seven year old kid can come up with these phrases. Perhaps they have seven year olds working there. At least one.
Anyway, back to the point. Which in my opinion has been hands down THE WORST, I repeat, THE WORST unidentified criminal nickname EVER!
When someone commits a crime, and nobody figured out who they are (or their stoner roommate has not turned them in yet for the $10,000 tip reward), they get a nickname. Usually it would be something that relates to the crime you did and how you did it. Like "The Pony Tail Bandit" for having a pony tail. Simple. (Thank God we have not seen a Mullet robber yet). "The Goofy Hat Bandit" or the "Hollywood Rapist". All relate to something that is part of you and what you use during your crime.
This leads us to early Thursday morning. An idiot, riding a bicycle, came up to the army recruiting center office at 3 am and threw a backpack with a small, home made bomb in it and then detonated it. Noone was hurt except this guy's reputation. I called him an idiot for two reasons. One is the obvious: He is a criminal who tried to bomb a public space. He should have went to counseling or got a girl friend, but this lonely sap figured that doing this would fix the father issues he has or the fact that women don't find him sexually attractive. The second reason I called him an idiot is the fact that if you DO choose to commit a crime (especially one that you know will end up in the news), do it in a way that will give you a good nickname.
The idiot, was named by all (ALL) newspapers, newscasters, and newslinks online as the "Bicycle Bomber". That has to be the lamest name in criminal history. Bicycle Bomber makes me think of a guy sitting in a pink bicycle with a basket that has flower prints on it. It does not make me think of a man making a statement. A rebel. A criminal who is dangerous and should be feared. No wonder New Yorkers have been walking around saying "Eh" to bombings.
As of this morning, the FBI has reason to believe the criminal may be Canadian. Since when have Canadians been violent? Don't they come second to Swedish people in the "Least likely to start a fight" list? Canadians don't become violent, they make Maple. You say Iraq, I think violent people. You say communist Russia, I think violence. You say Somalia, I think violence. You say Canada, I think Michael J. Fox. I think of Hockey and waffle syrup. When did Canada become the drunk guy at the bar that starts fights with people?
So I go back to living in NYC. Without fear in "Times Scare". I go back to realizing that the more things like this happen, the less I have to feel like I need to go visit Israel.
No comments:
Post a Comment